Half of the Time We’re Gone, but we Don’t Know Where

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15, end of the year, mean girls, teaching

When I was 15, I experienced Mean Girls. Ok, we know that’s not true–I definitely experienced Mean Girls way before I was 15, but they didn’t associate with me. They were usually the cool kids, and I wasn’t. But when I was 15, that changed. My circle of friends branched off, and the newly cooler half tormented the rest of us. Maybe they didn’t, maybe that’s just how it felt.

The closest thing I have felt to that since was a few years ago, when a grown up Mean Girl, a co-worker, belittled me frequently, often in front of her students. Behind closed doors, she told me that the reason my students (who were one of those groups that simply complained about everything, and never turned in any work) didn’t turn things in was because of me–that I was a bad teacher. I was back to 15 years old again, when someone–my peer, made me feel inferior. And I was so overwhelmed, and stressed, and baffled that I began to believe it. 

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I Found One Love I’ll Find Another, Heaven Knows How Hard I’ve Tried

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bad date, End Continuum, Karma, mean girls, Mr. Good Guy, online dating, street sign, waylon jennings, Willie Nelson

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word continuum means “a continuous sequence in which adjacent elements are not perceptibly different from each other, but the extremes are quite distinct”. I think I am at an end continuum.

I will preface my writing tonight with my true desire to not come across snarky, snobby, standoffish, self-centered, or any other backhanded adjective beginning with the word S. Nor do I want to come across as mean or even cruel. Those of you who know me even in the slightest are aware that I am not this person. But to the universe that knows me simply as Ms. Mo at My Words on a String, I fear my true self will not come across well here. So here goes.

Last night I went on what I will call the worst date of my life. This comes from the mouth of a woman who has been perpetually dating for the past three years to no avail. I have had a handful of second dates, and either I or the guy have left simply not interested. That does not mean that the guy was awful, or a freak, or even a flat- out asshole. It just means for whatever reason, there wasn’t the right je ne sais quoi. I’m not overly picky. I would say the number of dates I have had in the past three years is between 10-15, so definitely not over the top.

Some of the worst dates prior to last night:

• Being stuck with a $75 bar bill after my date just walked out.
• Introduced by my date to the local sex shop (I kid you not).
• Casually admitted his OCD and the litany of mood stabilizers he was on.
• Left me in the rain in a bad neighborhood, fending a taxi for myself.

And multiple dates that I had a great feeling about, and was rejected with a “Your a cool chick but not interested. C Ya”,  “You’re not athletic enough”, and my personal