My current list of irrational fears:
- That an enormous earthquake will occur while at the gym and the the moorish dome above my elliptical will collapse on me.
- That I have gained 45 pounds since September.
- That I will be single and lonely forever.
- That I use too much water, not because we are in a drought, but because I fear this kind of crap.
- That I have buckets of yarn, and no finished product.
- That I have lost me.
My current list of rational fears:
- That an enormous earthquake will happen while I am asleep and the books by my bed will crash down on me.
- That I have gained 12.8 pounds since September.
- That I am currently single and lonely for now.
- That I use too much water taking baths, but not because I drink enough water.
- That I have buckets of yarn.
- That I have lost a little bit of me over the past four months.
It’s been a hell of a few months–one filled with growing, learning, stress-eating, a lack of exercise, and yes, sacrificing my passions and interests for the sake of this new job. I knew this would happen 1. because this always happens when a major change comes into my life, and 2. that I have let it happen.
The other day, at the apex of my stress and frustration and lack of sleep and exercise, my mom had a good Coming to Jesus with me, and told me to start small and things will work their way back to the way I want them. I went home, didn’t go to the gym, took to Benadryl, and went to bed at 9:30. I woke up a quasi-new person. So the next day, I didn’t stress the smaller things at work, and got over my intimidation with a coworker who refuses to follow the rules of teaching some of my more learning disabled students. I took charge, was firm, and refused to take no for an answer. I ate lunch with coworkers, and left at 3:30. I went to the gym, took a long walk after, and went to bed.
Today I had a bit of what I like to call a shit sandwich. I had to meet with an auditor for California’s Department of Education to ensure Continue reading