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my words on a string

Tag Archives: students

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This Train Has Got the Disappearing Railroad Blues

11 Wednesday Sep 2013

Tags

9/11, death, life, loss, moving forward, remembrance, students, Willie Nelson

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So I’m picking the songs tonight by hand. I heard them throughout my day, so I’m not really cheating. I was cleaning my apartment, missing those who are no longer here because that’s what I do sometimes. I made a genius list off iTunes based on the first song, which puts me back twelve years today.

I was on duty for the first time on my own in Connecticut, with a houseful of boys worried about the state of their lives, the state of the country, the state of the world.

Most of my students are twelve, on their way to thirteen, and I have to touch upon how our lives changed so much twelve years ago.

They do not know our country without war. They have never had someone meet them at their airport gate, unless they were flying alone.

They are too young to remember that those first few weeks after 9/11, that driving to the airport, at least on the east coast meant a trunk search by a guy in cammos with a semi on his shoulder.

They will never know what those moments felt like watching live on tv or God forbid, in Battery Park.

Nor should they.

I lost one of my favorite great aunts that morning, a few hours before the first plane hit the first tower, to Cancer. When I was able to piece together her loss, and the loss of former Cantor Fizgerald clients, and the state of our country, I was alone. And I think I needed to be. My first thought was if my Auntie Bette had survived that morning and had somehow heard the news in Vancouver, she wouldn’t have made it.

You see, she was an optimist, a rough-and-tumble Depression girl who saw the best in people. Despite my Gram having four sisters, she was her best friend. And they were sisters-in-law. Those phone calls home to the west coast that early morning, afternoon, and bedtime were filled with tears, silence, and questions.

The stark reality of the day hit me as I turned on the news like every morning, this morning,hearing the announced moment of silence. I forgot.

Like I forgot the date on my first day of school this year, the 5th anniversary of my Gram’s death.

But I realize that it’s ok to forget the exact moment–our memories and thoughts surpass it.

I think again of my students, who view today as just another day. Math test. Swim unit. Breathing in and out to avoid a meltdown.

These past few weeks in my new job have changed me. Kids don’t fear the 40 minute security line at the airport. Nor do they fathom the severity of Syria, regardless of viewpoint. It’s how they live now.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but I think I mean to say that regardless of age, we all know our struggles and remembrances from day to day. My students just don’t understand ours today. And the more I think about it, that’s ok.

I spoke to my Gram tonight, apologizing for not remembering the anniversary of her death. She was probably rolling her eyes because she knows I probably thought of her umpteen times that day without realization. But I know Auntie Bette, and everyone else I love was around her, and probably rolling their eyes too.

I think it’s wise to remember to move forward and have your moments of thinking of those who are no longer with us, 9/11 or not, but also see that there are a fresh bunch of faces looking at us to move forward. Never forget, but keep pressing on. Think about that math test, and swim unit, and breathing in order to avoid that meltdown.

We remember when we see a hummingbird, or a butterfly, or when we spill coffee grounds on the floor. It might not happen every day, but we remember.

——-
So Far Away–Carole King
Both Sides–Joni Mitchell
Time in a Bottle–Jim Croce
America–Simon and Garfunkel
City of New Orleans–Willie Nelson
My Roots of my Raising–Merle Haggard

Posted by my words on a string | Filed under Canada, Connecticut, Family, Friends, Life, Music, San Francisco, Teaching, Work, Writing

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It’s nothing that I haven’t seen before But it still kills me like it did before

21 Friday Dec 2012

Tags

christmas, Connecticut, fear, guns, love, students, teaching

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It’s been such a busy week–of healing and grading and socializing and baking and shopping…and I’m exhausted.

I’m using the app on my phone to write this again–which is a little tedious. BUT the songs on my phone are a smaller, more select group that I adore, and tonight’s list is apropos.

I’m packed and ready for vacation for two weeks. I made 15 dozen ginger cookies for my students on Sunday afternoon as a “because”, but it’s because they are wonderful, goofy, pain-in-the-neck kids. So much so, that after we made snowflakes on Monday when all work was done (11th year doing this), I discovered that the Connecticut PTA has requested snowflakes to decorate the temporary home of the Sandy Hook kids.

You’re looking at roughly 450 my students and some of their friends made, and I can barely keep it together when more and more pour in. There’s no quota or goal, but I told them that I started teaching when I lived in Connecticut and that I have a special place in my heart for this project personally. And the snowflakes flurried in.

I know like everyone, I will get through this. Last week after my post, my nephew L and niece H came for a quick visit, and I couldn’t stop hugging and kissing them and telling them how much I love them.

But right now I struggle to see how two Continue reading →

Posted by my words on a string | Filed under Connecticut, Family, Friends, Life, Music, San Francisco, Shopping, Tahoe, Work, Writing

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One of a Million Pieces Falling on the Ground

06 Wednesday Jun 2012

Tags

Bob Dylan, Counting Crows, jewelry, loss, love, students

I don’t change my jewelry often. I occasionally change my earrings or necklace just for the day but for the most part, I have three or four old reliables I either rotate into my wardrobe, or save for some sort of occasion. When I left to study abroad in college, my mom bought me the angel outlined above. The floating heart I think was given to me as a baby–I am not entirely sure. But when life throws me a curve ball and I have difficulty breathing, I put this pair on and I have a little more faith that I will get through relatively unscathed–to the other side.

We suffered a major tragedy this week at school. I’d rather not get into details but a former student who happens to be both my co-worker’s son and one of our current 8th grader’s brother, was killed this week. He was 16. The details are horrific and I can’t even begin to imagine the pain, suffering and utter devastation they all feel right now.

When I woke up this morning, I removed my pendant I have been wearing since February, the one I bought when I decided to be a teacher in 2001, in order to put on the angel and heart. It helped today, I am not going to lie. When overwhelmed, confused or unable to speak, I usually clasp my throat. The mere jingle of the charms reminded me that I’m here, I am okay, I can endure.

The news was broken to we staff members yesterday while on a field trip with our students. We couldn’t react in front of them because they didn’t know. I took a brief walk and called my mom, just to tell her I loved her. My voice froze halfway through, and it took nearly everything I had to say I was okay.

When I entered school today, the first staff member I saw hugged me close. I thought Continue reading →

Posted by my words on a string | Filed under Family, Friends, Life, Work

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